Monday, May 17, 2010

How to drive in the floods

Be warned, this post is going to contain a some swearing.

Colombo is flooded. Fuck us all sideways but that's how it's going to be when ever it rains in the years to come. You can't drive to work without driving through a pool of water at least 6 inches deep, sometimes, about two feet. Not many have 4X4s and even those who have 4X4s act as if they are driving a fucking go-cart. But the reality is, most cars can be maneuvered in a little over a feet of water if properly handled. Here's how.

Before you drive in to the flood

  1. If you fucking don't want to get your fucking car wet, leave it fucking home.
  2. If you are fucking afraid, just fucking pull over and let the others go instead of blocking the whole fucking traffic.
  3. Be considerate about other drivers, don't fucking be selfish on the road.
  4. Don't fucking drive on the wrong fucking lane.
When you get yourself into the flood
  1. Don't stop at any cost.
  2. I repeat. Don't fucking stop. If you stop; you are increasing the chance of getting water in your engine and electronics.
  3. Be it automatic transmission or manual, jam it in to the 2nd gear and keep your feet off the breaks and the clutch.
  4. Drive as fast as you can; you have a better chance of getting through if you maintain a good speed, even if it's like two feet deep. If you stop, chances are you'll get water in your system and the engine will die on you.
  5. Keep to a straight line, you could lose control if you try to steer a lot.
  6. If the vehicle in front of you stops, and you have to stop, keep the engine running at a high RPM - Manual transmission - press the clutch and accelerate; automatic, put the gear leaver at N and keep your left foot on breaks and the right on the accelerator.
If your engine stops
  1. This could probably be because you didn't fucking stick to above rules; if so; fuck you!
  2. Now you have no option but to be selfish; don't try to start the engine again.
  3. Repeat; don't fucking try to start the engine, it tries to suck air in to start the ignition and instead suck water from the silencer, and if your main air intake is placed real low; from that too. And that would really screw things up for you.
  4. If you have company, or if the fellow drivers are good enough to get in the flood and help you, push you car over and wait for assistance. If you are lucky, the car should start once it's dried up.